Category: Personal Insights

When you feel who matters

It was 5.02am this morning and my new Blackberry (which I didn’t even know was on or off such is my knowledge of it so far) buzzed and woke me.   It took three goes for me to plug in my PIN number but when it did the text from Mum in Christchurch sent a shiver up my spine “Terrible Earth Quake”. It was one of those moments that I shall never forget. Or the next 15 minute frantically trying to contact them and finding a headline on stuff.co.nz that read in huge lettering that a 7.4 quake had hit Christchurch.

Were they trapped under a pile of rubble and one got text out? Were they struggling to find their way around? Clearly they were scared.

I felt devastated with concern and became upset. It made me realise how much my folks mean to me and them being vulnerable with the force of the earth against them was very difficult.

Thankfully we made contact and it was obvious that they were scared. Dad said it was like a bad dream that he hoped to wake from. Like most folk they had no power, books were thrown from shelves and crockery and ornaments smashed.

We’re little beings in a universe that is never static. Planet earth is relatively calm, although today’s events make you wonder, but that’s because we are so small and temporaty. The universe might be mighty and completely beyond our command, but we have emotional connections with loved ones that gives us meaning.

When the core of that meaning was put at risk for me, I felt an immediate and deep sense of empathy. It was me. In this moment did I felt the depth of meaning in this relationship.

They are safe, but they’ve had a frightening experience.

I’ve always known what matters. Today I felt it.

A strange impact

On Thursday I was driving to work on Puhinui Road, Manukau.  A young woman was tailgating me and when I stopped at a pedestrian crossing behind another vehicle, she didn’t. Well, actually she did by driving into the back of my car. I felt like I was in one of those slow-motion TV adverts for car safety as my head was pushed forward and then lashed back with considerable force into the head restraint.

It hurt and gave me Continue reading “A strange impact” →

Are you faking it?

We want something that’s going to inspire – you know something on leadership that’s going to hit them, jolt them and make them sit up.  They don’t need any of this soft self or team building stuff – they can get that anywhere.  This is big and gutsy get-up big leader talk we’re after.

And you have been told! Or I should say I had been – so went the briefing for some work with a potential client.  It makes you think, well it did me.

So do people like me and the team at the Centre for Innovative Leadership need to refocus sometimes. Do we need maybe to tell more about being a big leader – some good theories on leader types – charismatic, command etc.  After all why pay for someone to have you learn about yourself.  As my client said – they can get that anywhere. 

I have been doing some work recently with the fantastic Mr Fox (sorry that just slipped out – that was a funny movie and strange how word associations can derail me – been on a train lately?), no I mean Vikram Murthy on leadership and problem solving. I give him credit for helping me to clarify the above situation for me. Thanks Vikram.

For some people emotional intelligence is one of those yeah yeah things, but actually it’s not. It’s real and provable. Just like the universe (I’ll look at this later and wonder, but I’ve only had juice tonight honestly).

Back to leadership:  that might be about team, about relationships, about change, about vision, about problem solving, about using energy and emotion and you can think of a few more things too I’m sure.  But there’s a good start, or is it?

It’s the end.  The end result of something much more complex from a journey of discovery – self awareness, then self management, then social awareness and then you’ll get to leadership.

So you’re the leader now: Are you starting with self?  Of do you reckon you can cut all that stuff out and start with the leader duties? Watch out! Especially if you’re the big and gutsy out-there leader. Is that real? Or are you faking it?  You might not realise it but the team will notice it.

Really Mr Fox, what is that suit all about – you’re a fox for god’s sake! Get real! The dogs can tell.


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A life lived – be happy

Mum texted me on Sunday a week ago to say that Aunty Laurel had died at 4 o’clock. Her passing had been expected but not quite that soon. As we know cancer is unpredictable but in any case once we’ve done about 650,000 hours for many of us, that’s it, and that’s almost exactly what she did do.

Laurel was a mother, grandmother, great-grandmother and friend to many. It’s a strange thing that when you go to a funeral it’s often the only time that all the person’s family and friends from all their life come together. One of my running mentors Gordon Jackson turned out to be an old friend. I had no idea.

Knowing she was dying, Laurel requested her funeral be non-religious and simple. Family and friends spoke of a woman who always got stuck in, who was creative with cake making and teddy bears (sensational ones!) and was always there for her family. I remember Laurel mainly from family holidays to Stanmore Bay where generous barbeques seemed never to run short of food for us and all our cousins.

The sadness of losing a mother is not something I have experienced. But it is plain to see. What I also saw was a collection and distilling of happy memories and focus on what Laurel had given to her family. It can’t compensate, but it surely is a wonderful thing to reflect on.

Actually, that Laurel knew she was dying isn’t that unique. We all know we’re dying. We don’t know when but we can take a pretty good estimate of when the molecules will have had enough. I’ve been challenging myself recently “Am I happy?” I’ve done over 410,000 of my hours so I hope so! And I am.

Are you doing right now what you want to do? Or is the happiness at some “when I’ve done this” point in the future? What is that point? What is the point in waiting for that point?

Make it happen. Whatever works will do I say. Laurel didn’t wait to make her teddy bears. She made scores of them, bringing joy and happiness to many people, but most importantly, to herself. Be happy. Now.


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