It has a night before Christmas feeling tonight with the Authentic Leadership Programme commencing proper in the morning. All the pre-work has been done by us and the new participant leaders and the room is all set up.
We’ve done this a few times of course so we know more or less what to expect. But it won’t be the same as ever before. Refinements have been made and we’re trying out some new things and new locations too.
But more significantly, each of the 20 leaders on the Programme will bring with them their own leadership opportunities, challenges, personalities, hopes and aspirations.
Like you experience when leading people.So in the morning there’s some time spent getting to know each other in a meaningful way, developing ways of working together over the next six months, exploring our personality profiles, reviewing 360 feedback, and sharing stories. It will be a very full first day with some time to reflect too.
One thing we’ll say tomorrow but we’ll say again several times is that everything we do on the Programme is transferable back at work. You won’t notice that unless you’re mindful. Which reminds me, being present will be vital!
Wayne reckons there’s a lot of divorce now. I quipped that not getting married is the best defence to that. Chuckling lightly he went on:
People shouldn’t try and control each other. You do what you want and let other people do what they want. “I told my wife when we got married that I’m not responsible for her happiness. That’s her responsibility” he said adding that he was responsible for his own happiness too.
If you’re all wound up, don’t take up your issues with me then, and when you’re all wound up “I know you’re not thinking straight and what is said at that time won’t be right“, so take a stroll and have a coffee, then you’ll be right.
And when you do open your mouth never ever put anyone down. Ever. Think about what you need to say, adjust your tone, make it right for the discussion, and be careful about what you say.
It’s quite simple really, he said, “I’ve helped lots of people with relationship problems and some people have said I should do some courses in relationship counselling“. But I won’t he said, I know what it takes.
Cost me $16.84 for those pearls of wisdom. And he got me home in his Uber too!
My colleague Jasbindar Singh ran a two-hour session on Emotional Intelligence for us recently. Emotional Intelligence underpins most of the work we do on Authentic Leadership and I think it’s important to slow burn the learning to ensure the learning and reflection is well embedded and plans put into action.
Jas showed us that you can do a lot in two hours and get us thinking. There are many models of EQ and we used the Genos model covering Self Awareness, Social Awareness (of others), Authenticity, Emotional Reasoning, Self Management and Motivation (or inspiring performance).
When you talk EQ to senior people almost everyone “gets” it. Doing it takes practice, discipline and reflection on recent conduct.
Leaders who practice emotional intelligence can make significant progress quickly. And a speedy session on EQ can give a real boost.
But what gets in the way when we slip up and blame or defend instead of taking responsibility or coaching? I’ve never really had a serious argument from someone in a quiet moment that when they blamed or acted otherwise with low EQ, that there was a better way.
Trusting ourselves in the moment is what gets in the way. Trust that to coach, for example, will provide a more sustainable long term solution, than playing the blame game. So like our EQ session, it’s the ability to quickly engage in the appropriate facet of EQ.
I met a friend in the airport lounge this morning. We were both headed to Wellington. We talked about life as a CEO for him, bringing all the learning, coaching and development over the years into practice at the “buck stops here” job.
There isn’t time to do lots of research when faced with leadership issues on a daily basis, and my friend said he often drew on insights from development, coaching and learnings from the past. And sometimes from my bite-sized blogs.
That’s nice I said, but getting time, oh, it’s tough. Tough to find time to write 250 words, more of less, on leadership, and just as tough, if not tougher to find time each day to focus on ourselves.
I don’t think for one minute that business or your life should be run on 140 (or similar number) characters or less. Of course, if you find your way to my blog on Twitter that’s all good!
But a little development taken often can keep us up-to-date, and even if not on point that day, might stimulate us to recall past learning and insights.
Making time for a little leadership development often can keep us recharged, up-to-date, help our resilience (more of very soon after a workshop on Friday), and bring back older insights.
That’s leadership of ourselves. And almost 250 words. 225 in fact.
According to the Washington Post, President Trump has told over 3000 lies since he was sworn in as US President.
For many of those lies, you might think that any intelligent person knows they can’t be true, such as asserting that the border wall with Mexico was being built, when it’s not. Some of them might be based on ignorance – such as claiming that the US “loses” $500b on its trade deficits with China – when no-one actually loses money on a trade deficit. Others just appear to be made up bits of nonsense.
It’s trite to say how unusual it is that the leader of the world’s second largest democracy has such a relationship with the truth. But that is not as astonishing as how all these lies appear to be accepted or at best, excused by many people.
At times I think that those that follow Trump must be ignorant or stupid. They might be, but it might be that leadership is wanted more than we realise, in any form. Even though I write this leadership blog and help people with their leadership development, I don’t personally feel any great urge for anybody to lead me. But I’ve noticed that many people do and over millennia we see examples of people foolishly and tragically following leaders – maybe out of fear – but often out of a desire to be led somewhere…anywhere!
Many people want a leader, warts and all. Trump is that leader for many people. Did I just say that!
On his 80th birthday in 2009 Uncle Stan played an impressive violin piece for the guests. It was an uplifting experience. Somebody made a recording and we heard and watched it again at his funeral service last week.
Uncle Stan was one of a kind. Forever youthful in his outlook: learning, reading, discussing and playing and enjoying music all his life. He took brave steps in the seventies, changing his family’s immediate projectory and took his own course through life in many ways. He gained great respect and love.
Growing up we all had music in our family, but for some of us – especially me – it was a chore and although I still have my violin it’s not been out of its case for many years. But for Uncle Stan it was a life-long passion through orchestra, solos and sharing it with us all, just as he did at his 80th.
I was struck by the uplifting I felt at his funeral. I wondered whether this was right. Should I feel good at a funeral? Looking around on the day, I don’t think I was the only one. Of course there is grief – especially by his immediately family of course – but joy too.
Uncles Stan uplifted us at his funeral. That’s a feat of leadership.
I facilitated a public session this week – Management vs. Leadership – for a diverse group including senior leaders and young women and men just starting out in their leadership roles.
We discussed what Management involved as compared to Leadership. Then we focussed on developing our authenticity through story-telling. We all have a leadership story and each participant made a start on a leadership story that I hope they can use in the future.
The clear message that came through was that most people understand the differences between management and leadership. Words and phrases used to describe management included “ensuring deadlines are met”, “directing”, “controlling” and for leadership “inspiring”, getting others to achieve” and “future focussed”.
The exciting thing was that both senior and younger leaders understood it in much the same way.
Knowing when you need to manage and when you need to lead is the big challenge. That’s often decided (or not) in the moment. Unless we’ve given it some deliberate thought we can quickly find ourselves inappropriately directing, when a coaching style of enquiry to team member could provide the best impetus to get the job done.
We’ll be repeating the session in Wellington this coming week and I’m looking forward to see what the second group comes up with.