Category: Personal Development

Why is your Whanau not in the Wharekai?

Some random thoughts are swirling around me right now and will hopefully gain some structure as I write. It’s been a big weekend. My teenage son Tim was staying with me although I abandoned him on Friday night for dinner at the Committee for Auckland’s Future Leaders Programme opening held at the Wharekai on the Orakei Marae. I lived in Orakei in the 1990s but had never experienced the spectacular views out, and feeling in, of the Marae.  Children intermingled with the adults and speakers, unimpressed, or should I say unchanged, by our presence.

Saturday morning is my long run-day – Scenic Drive beckoned and so a trot from the shops at Titirangi to Mountain Road and return was done. Saturday evening was for a good friends 40th and a speech in which he declared “The one thing I haven’t been doing right is spending time with each and everyone of you.  That is going to change”.

Sunday morning was back to the Marae where we delivered our introduction to the Programme for the Leadership workshops that the Centre for Innovative Leadership is now privileged to be delivering for this cohort. We talked about trust, about authenticity – “it’s actually a really simple concept” said one participant and then added “but hard”. So we’re excited about the opportunity of working with this group of senior leaders. I very much look forward to growing with them and being a part of their journey.  Go well!

A university get-together at lunch and at 3.00pm I finally set eyes properly on Tim. Selfish? Too busy? Guilty your honour.

This evening I visited Pathways to Manhood to discuss the upcoming retreat that Tim and I are going to go on in April. Whatever we do, feedback, reflection, timeout and sharing quality time with family are important. Yeah, good words, what about the weekend?  “I’ll take Tim to dinner tonight”.  “Is that to make up for the time you didn’t spend with him in the weekend?”

It is actually. Are your Whānau good enough for the Wharekai? Of course they are. Be there. It means everything. Sorry Tim.

Dad.


View Stephen Drain's profile on LinkedIn

Is it time to give up defining ourselves?

This blog has been sitting in draft for a few weeks but lately, I’ve been talking quite a bit to people about self – you know my brand, defining myself, my self esteem and so on.

My Dad (I am sure my biggest and possibly only blogging fan and did I just say my!) sent me some scans of a book by Eckhart Tolle (A New Earth) with a segment about ego:

“You are most powerful, most effective when you are completely yourself. But don’t try to be yourself. That’s another role…’How can I be myself?’ is in fact the wrong question. It implies you have to do something to be yourself…..[so] give up defining yourself – to yourself or others. You won’t die. You will come to life. And don’t be concerned with how others define you. When they define you, they are limiting themselves, so it’s their problem.”

As my Dad could, I see the relationship with our authenticity. Is it time to give up defining ourselves (for ourselves and others?).

Are we not what we are?  Or in practical speak, what we are will come through.  Which leads me to my next thought for the next blog – are you faking it?  See you soon.


View Stephen Drain's profile on LinkedIn

A life lived – be happy

Mum texted me on Sunday a week ago to say that Aunty Laurel had died at 4 o’clock. Her passing had been expected but not quite that soon. As we know cancer is unpredictable but in any case once we’ve done about 650,000 hours for many of us, that’s it, and that’s almost exactly what she did do.

Laurel was a mother, grandmother, great-grandmother and friend to many. It’s a strange thing that when you go to a funeral it’s often the only time that all the person’s family and friends from all their life come together. One of my running mentors Gordon Jackson turned out to be an old friend. I had no idea.

Knowing she was dying, Laurel requested her funeral be non-religious and simple. Family and friends spoke of a woman who always got stuck in, who was creative with cake making and teddy bears (sensational ones!) and was always there for her family. I remember Laurel mainly from family holidays to Stanmore Bay where generous barbeques seemed never to run short of food for us and all our cousins.

The sadness of losing a mother is not something I have experienced. But it is plain to see. What I also saw was a collection and distilling of happy memories and focus on what Laurel had given to her family. It can’t compensate, but it surely is a wonderful thing to reflect on.

Actually, that Laurel knew she was dying isn’t that unique. We all know we’re dying. We don’t know when but we can take a pretty good estimate of when the molecules will have had enough. I’ve been challenging myself recently “Am I happy?” I’ve done over 410,000 of my hours so I hope so! And I am.

Are you doing right now what you want to do? Or is the happiness at some “when I’ve done this” point in the future? What is that point? What is the point in waiting for that point?

Make it happen. Whatever works will do I say. Laurel didn’t wait to make her teddy bears. She made scores of them, bringing joy and happiness to many people, but most importantly, to herself. Be happy. Now.


View Stephen Drain's profile on LinkedIn

Lesson one from 2009: there is more than one lesson!

I’m fortunate – I don’t work in a salt mine – though I do like my life to have full flavour. These are my New Year’s day ramblings looking back on my leadership lessons from 2009. They’re personal to me – there’s only one person in the world you can change – and for me, that’s me.  I’ve put in italics what these things mean to me.  They might not mean the same thing or anything to you.  That’s okay.

  1. Being happy really is important, really important.  Could be all there is!  Will you follow an unhappy leader?
  2. There is no superhero who can change anything!  (except you).  You’re the leader, so lead.
  3. We all have a default expression – mine is grim, so I better watch it ‘cos I’m laughing inside!  First impressions can count.
  4. I love distance running – the more I do the better I feel.  It helps me to focus, solve problems, keep healthy, try ideas out with my fellow runners and I see more of the country than I ever thought possible.  A healthy leader is around longer.
  5. Give.  That was a promise I made in March.  It’s an attitude shift and much easier and more rewarding than I thought it would be.  It’s not  to be confused with marketing or sampling.  It’s giving only.  Leadership is about giving for others.
  6. Twelve months ago I was going through changes.  Many people helped me for which I am very grateful.  I notice there are people right now going through similar changes.  I hope I can return the support given to me to others.  Leadership is about giving for others (again!)
  7. I’ll never give up having fun and laughing.  Authenticity.
  8. Someone will wrong you.  But in the end you’ll learn so much you will be grateful for the experience. Reflection is a powerful leadership habit.
  9. I try not to pretend.  Authenticity.

In 2010 I want to let my creativity flow to discover new ways to continue to learn about leadership with other happy people who want to make a difference.  Full flavour for me in 2010.

So when I say happy new year, the happy part really is important.

Happy new year!

Stephen

ps did you know that in New Zealand’s largest wine growing region, Marlborough, we mine salt?


View Stephen Drain's profile on LinkedIn