Category: Personal Development

Unofficial start

One of the blogs that came up this week on the WordPress site where this blog is posted was headed “Unofficial start to Summer”.  Driving home this evening late the outside temperature reading was 9.  Not what I’d call the unofficial or any other type of start to Summer.

Winter can be a beautiful time – this is near Whakatane

Of course it’s all about perspectives and living south of the equator – a fair way south – our perspective is very much Winter calling.

Recently I had a bout of chest infection with coughing that seemed to go on an on.  Perhaps all that flying and mixing with strangers in the compressed environment wasn’t so good for me afterall!  Winter is definitely on the way and I notice myself feeling ever so slightly morose when it’s dark early and cold.  Why is that? I have heating, and it always gets dark at some point anyway.  So why should the blackening sky blacken the mood.

I’ve noticed it in the past, but for some reason been more conscious of it this year.  Perceptions can greatly impact how we feel about each other and often those perceptions are right.  If I’m told I appear stressed (like I was today!) then there’s a good chance I was. Or the perception might be wrong, but it’ll be a good excuse for a conversation between colleagues.

So how about an unofficial start to feedback with a comment about perceptions?  You don’t need to accuse or state anything.  Just “My perceptions is that you appear……..” – you fill in the blank which might be happy/anxious/overworked/mindful/unfocussed – and see where it takes you.  If it doesn’t fire, it’s unofficial, so no harm done.

But I’d say probably a lot of good will be done.

Stephen

Good conditioning for flying

It’s not clear to me why, but a few short years ago I started to seriously dislike flying. Each flight was ruined by the anxiety that built up prior to it which more or less disappeared once the plane was off the ground. I became a text book case of the anxious flyer: avoidance, ruined sleeps the night (and sometimes nights) prior, distraction strategies etc.

I convinced myself I wasn’t actually afraid of flying but rather it was the confinement and more importantly, the fear of fear itself. After all, as a teenager I had taken flying lessons and done my fair share of business and personal trips to many destinations, local and overseas. I’d even flown in an Airforce Hercules with the back door down.

So, as I write this on my 26th flight this year, feeling quite relaxed, partly from a big job now complete, I feel it’s time to reflect. Grant Amos’ Flying without fear course was the start of my return journey last year. I found the programme pretty confronting – not really my style of personal development – but there were lots of tools and techniques to get through whatever your particular paranoia might be: wings falling off, suffocating etc! (I can joke now). So thanks Grant.

20120516-151409.jpg

In the end, like all personal development it’s the stuff you do yourself that makes all the difference. Others will shine a light on what it might be but you’ll be the one that needs to do the work. And get the reward.

Stephen

Keeping your purpose alive

At the end of the movie “The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel” the character played by Dame Judi Dench implores us to spend our lives, no matter what stage we’re at, in doing those things that matter to us, that give us meaning and purpose.

I’m writing this on the plane after twenty four hours in Dunedin. Tonight is a function, tomorrow a half marathon and at least two more trips in the next 10 days. In between there are reports to finalise, emails to respond to and an over full week ahead. Sound familiar?

I’m not the most relaxed flyer but some seriously concentrated conditioning over the last three months has gone a long way to cure that! But the flight, if nothing else, gives me time too breathe and relax. And think about purpose.

I try to live with purpose and meaning for those things that matter to me and try to ensure that those things take priority. Right now I’m finding thinking about purpose incredibly difficult with the intensity and pressure of multiple works obligations.

I console myself that the work is of course part of my purpose. Which it is. But it ain’t everything.

So I’m giving myself two extra flights to wish my Mum a happy birthday in person. She’s 81 and living in her Marigold Hotel with Dad as they should be!

Now that’s something that matters.

Stephen

Loving the extra hour!

I woke up early this morning for a Sunday and even earlier ‘cos it’s the end of Daylight Saving. I read quite a bit at 6.30 this morning from Zite – the on-line magazine you tailor to suit your interests (and prejudices too no doubt!) – including a piece about happiness and the need for us all to play without a goal. Like kids do. And on your hands and knees sometimes.

Martin Seligman, the author of “Authentic Happiness” is quoted as saying the three pillars of mental health are love, work and play.

I’ve seen an awful lot of work lately, come to think of it I always have. Why do we work so hard? Or you might think work so poorly that you have to spend way too much time at work. Which could be true. Work can be play of course and can bring satisfaction.

If, on the other hand we’re working hard for money because we believe at one level that that will bring happiness then it might be worth thinking about Martin Seligman’s other work on positive psychology. He talks about three life states: the pleasant life (things) the good life (discovering our unique strengths) and the meaningful life (finding a meaning for our life greater than just us).

Money gives us the pleasant life. Work gives us money. But neither can give us the good life or the meaningful life on its own.

An extra hour gave me some play, a hint of the good life (whether it’s any good or not I’ve blogged again!) and even some time to reflect on meaning.

I’m loving the extra hour!

Stephen