Say it now

We went to a friend’s mum’s funeral this week. We shared some of the pain of the illness over the last year and learned how close mother and daughter were. At the funeral our friend spoke of the special relationship between her and her mother: how there was never a harsh word, they were best friends and Mum was always there for her, whenever.

I know people who, after their parents have died, talk of the things that they wanted to say.

Funerals make me reflective. No good waiting for the important conversations I was thinking. In fact I don’t mind saying I haven’t waited, but I count myself fortunate to have the tools and parents who engage. Doesn’t mean we agree on everything but we understand and respect. And feel we can talk about whatever we need to talk about.

And our friend clearly had the relationship with her mother that allowed that to occur.

No use waiting until you’re at the funeral home, either in the box or in the pews. Say it now. It’s never too late and you’ll probably have lots of good things to say.



4 thoughts on “Say it now

  1. Kia ora so true, it is now almost 6 years since my Dad passed, Mum followed soon after. I still miss them every day I am glad spent time with them and shared with them how I felt and said what was in my heart. I never really appreciated what they had sacrificed for us until I had children of my own.


  2. Very reflective piece. Sometimes kids (and maybe parents) take the other for granted. I lost my mom when I was 5. I wanted my daughter to have what I never had in my life – a mother who loved and cared for her and celebrated her joys and sorrows with her. Unfortunately, she is only now beginning to realize the gift she has waiting for her. I expect she may not fully understand what she/we have missed out on until she has a child of her own. Her loss (and mine!).


  3. I like that expression “warts and all”. How often I apologise to my dear father for what I have or haven’t done. He never complains and always emphasises that he couldn’t have gotten by since Mum died 4 years ago, without “you girls” being around all the time.

    Parents/children love to be needed and talked to – thats the truth. Sometimes its harder than they would really want but in the end that’s what its all about isn’t it? Why did we have these children if not?

    Keep on saying all the things, whenever you feel like it – necessary or not. One day they will all thank you for it.



  4. Stephen not a truer word could be spoken having lost my father over 20 years ago I often reflect on the things I did not say, whilst ensuring my mother gets warts and all. I know she appreciates it.


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