Tag: postaday2011

Get the low down on 2051

Right and wrong are not necessarily at different ends of the spectrum. Or so says the Rev. Charlie Jackson when introducing Felix Bush in the movie Get Low. Forty years after a bad thing happened Bush came out of his self-imposed exile to ask his community for forgiveness.

In those 40 years he gave up the propsect of relationships, family, a career and everything else he might have done with the bigger part of his adult life. It was a timely movie after the reflections of my last blog, focusing on revenge.

When you look back 40 years it’s 1971. I was 8 for most of the year. Standard Two with Mrs Hindmarsh at Linwood Avenue School. Norm Kirk, the school’s most famous pupil, was yet to be Prime Minister. Starting music tuition like the rest of the family, walking to and from school and, if my memory serves me correctly my one year of Rugby Union at Fergie McCormick’s club Linwood with my friends Nigel Hughes and Victor Harris. Victor died a few years later in a fall near Hanmer. That was sad. So although it’s 40 years ago, much of it is accessible.

HQ Holden from the early 1970s - this one in San Remo Gold just like ours

Looking forward 40 years is quite a different matter for me. It’s so far out there and I can’t perceive that anything that might happen this year in 2011 will be of import in 2051 (if I’m here!).  So, if I’m lucky enough to still be here, the good things will be present and active in my life – my children, who knows their children, and my important relationships. One thing is for sure, I won’t be dwelling on the guy that took my carpark, or the colleague who had unpleasant things to say, or every more serious matters that haven’t gone my way. That’s life afterall, not a bank for later.

It’s a funny movie, with a powerful message. It’s surprising how long people hold onto all sorts of old stuff. Felix Bush took away the better part of his life over something he did when he was a young man. In the end it didn’t matter who’s fault it all was. Most people, however old they are couldn’t imagine that anything that’s happening now would still be bothering them in 2051. But you need constant vigilance and I’ve written in the past about getting rid of your old baggage.

I’m not rushing for 2051 to be here. But I’m damn sure that when it arrives for me I’ll be at peace. Will you?

Have a great week!

Stephen

Run away little soldier boy

There’s a brightly lit cross on the top of Mt Roskill, presumably because it’s Easter soon. I think the cross is there all year, they just light it up at this time of the year. Mt Roskill used to be known as the Bible Belt but I think most of the kids who were brought up in the belt, and no doubt knew that the belt was something to be feared, have moved on. Quite a few years before that when the sect of Judasm gained political backing in Rome, the politicians of the time put together a collection of books that would become the official stories of the new religion. And the Roman execution tool for revenge and torture became a symbol for much of the world, sitting over church buildings, on graves and on Mt Roskill tonight.

I’m helping an older person who’s been trying to get some peace with someone who is angry about something a very long time ago. The problem was supposedly sorted out  – justice was done – and my friend moved on, knowing that although she hadn’t done anything herself, at least there might be some peace to be had.

I’ve noticed in some disfunctional leadership teams, there is sometimes an angry person hanging onto some ancient grevience. You can often do good work with one-on-one coaching in such cases, helping the person to develop a new world view and recognise the anger for what it is. It can be a big challenge though, as the angry person’s instinct is usually for revenge and there are plenty of little soldier boys out there ready to help the sad but vengeful person. As hard as it can be, when you’re confronted with a friend intent on revenge, it’s so important to not get sucked into it. I was talking to my friend Richard Kerr-Bell this evening who says that people intent on revenge ultimately exhibit signs of psychotic behaviour if unchecked – it’s as though the functioning brain narrows to a slice of it’s usual size and lets no insight in that could grapple with the underlying cause of the anger. And colleagues can easily be drawn into the revenge, as when you’re only operating on a slither of your usual cognitive abilities, your normal happy functions are just not there. Don’t allow yourself to get sucked in like a little soldier boy, thinking it’s helping.

As I write this I’m watching an episode of Seinfeld about revenge. Kramer is filling up a washing machine at the laundromat with concrete mix in revenge for cash that apparently went missing from Jerry’s laundry bag. Meanwhile George is going to spike his boss’ drink to get back at him for putting him down in a meeting. The chinese have a saying that if you want revenge, first dig two graves. George needs a new job now, as you might imagine.

Unfortunately, my friend’s problem person has a little soldier boy “helping out” who seems to specialise in sustaining revenge for as long as possible. Do you think it’s helping? Of course not. All that’s happening is that something that could quite easily be sorted and all parties moved on is stuck, like that cross on the top of Mt Roskill, reminding all involved that the revenge and tortune must continue. There’s no sacrifice for man’s good here, that’s for sure!

Find a symbol of peace and plant that

Go home little boy soldier. This ain’t your concern and you’re playing games with real people who can come together in time.

If your team or community has a big problem between two people, look around and see whether there’s someone shuffling around under the radar stirring up the revenge to sustain the anger and torture in perpetuity.

That won’t be the original problem, but it could be sustaining it unnecessarily. Get rid of the little soldier boy who’s planted themselves in the middle of this thing and replace him or her with someone who know about peace. And happiness.

That would be a great start to any weekend! Enjoy yours. I will be – catching up with the folks – and we’ll have a great family time together.

Stephen

Wedded to tradition

In working with mission, vision and values we often hear stories. Some include traditions and there’s something in many of us that is attracted to tradition. For stability perhaps, sometimes as a guiding torch from the past to show the path forward. It’s a got a solid, perhaps staid, but reliable feeling, that word tradition.

Home in time to cook for your man

Last night I saw the delightful New Zealand movie My Wedding and other Secrets. Chinese Kiwi girl meets Pakeha Kiwi boy but it has to be kept secret because of traditional Chinese thinking about mixed-race relationships. That it’s Chinese traditional thinking is probably of little consequence to the message here – it could easily be in reverse in some families.

It got me thinking (again!) about this tradition thing. My first reaction to it was that it was more about control – or more particularly losing it – than any value-driven tradition, that made Chinese Mum and Dad so difficult. I found it difficult to understand what the basis or purpose of the tradition was. It looked solely like a desperate bid to control a family and replicate the parents’ own experience. Apparently it’s based on a true story and I’m not surprised – it’s probably true many times over.

Having reflected for 24 hours I’m still in the same place. It sounds really obvious but when we refresh ourselves, our teams or our organisations we have to let stuff go – you know that – we say it too out loud don’t we? Traditions need to be on the table for culling too. They might be plain wrong.  Are you hanging on to some apparently wise tradition from the past, when actually, you have more to offer, more enlightenment and wisdom than those that went before?

After all: Zeus, witches, a flat earth, smoking, hitting kids, only men voting or managing, racial segregation, state-sponsored religious indoctrination were the hallmarks of wise traditions in the past. And still are in some places.

Wise people live today, not just in the past. Chances are you’re one of them.

Don’t waste it.

Stephen

ps it’s a lovely movie

Fessing up is so good

Peter Marshall who has been the police commissioner for two days said on the radio today that the organisation needed to address the issues raised in the PWC report. This compares with the previous leadership who’s reaction I blogged about in January.

When something is wrong with an organisation’s culture it’s easy and defensive to blame those that found out about it for not doing a proper job, or for someone reporting it. When that happens you’re on a slippery slope to defensive nowhereland. Time to retire probably.

On the other hand for Marshall to publicly state there are pockets of officers who don’t get it, who need to or go, is gutsy to start with and in the end absolutely the best thing he could do for the police.

He won’t root out all the officers himself, but clear unambiguous statements from the leader of such an important organisation in our society are critical to success. Other police leaders should be in no doubt as to what is expected.

As I said in my previous blog, there shouldn’t be any tolerance for the sort of behaviours identified in the report. I hope we’re getting back on track with all our police.

I say well done. A great start. Great leadership.

Stephen

Time to cull the rotten part of the culture