Thanks Uncle George, I remember Daisy

I last stayed with Uncle George and Aunty Joan about 40 years ago. They were dairy farmers. I think that they had about 150 cows and the images of the milking shed at 5.00 am have stayed with me since then. I see Uncle George and his cows when I pass a dairy farm even now. The warm unprocessed milk with porridge at 7 or 8. The implement shed.  The raging bull that we chased on the other side of the fence. Driving for the first time as he put the hay out, across the paddock with the accelerator on the Bedford truck stuck on what felt like breakneck speed. Rapidly (to my eyes!) approaching a narrow bridge between paddocks. The big arm leaning in to check the steering  You’re fine, just keep it dead ahead. Dead I thought, yes, if the bridge doesn’t widen up real soon!

Running into Mum and Dad in Farmers on a trip to the city. I need to go to the loo. Uncle George corrected you mean lavatory. Such responsibility to my care, even in the face of my parents! Funny how at the tender age of 5 I could sense my parents discomfort.

He died this week, aged 96. He had strong beliefs that he will join Aunty Joan. And probably Daisy. One of those 150 cows he knew by name. The only name I remember, but he had them all off-pat as they walked to the dairy. Remarkable.

He let me learn by trusting me and letting me have a go. Thanks Uncle George.

Stephen

Fire my spirit

So goes the last line of the simple song 75 men and young men at the Essentially Men Pathways to Manhood gathering sang together as we waited to be met by mothers and family yesterday. Sitting here right now there is so much to reflect on that has truly fired the spirit of my son Tim and me too.

This was a gritty, hard, challenging week with men. Great men who shared, endorsed, inspired and challenged us all. Never have I felt so proud and so sad all at once. It took a few days but when Tim found his voice, man, did we hear it. A school life of bullying and being picked on because he wears glasses, because he doesn’t see as well as others, because of this, that and it didn’t matter what. Any bloody excuse will do. Bullying turned to a stone-like resistance built out of fear of failure. Adults then embark ed on their own special form of bullying – bludgeoning into submission,  challenging in his face: What is it Tim? Is it about you only? What is your problem?.

In your 17 years Tim you have faced challenges that few can understand, but I tell you Tim, and you know this, 75 men who love and admire you know.  And they were there for you and are there now for you. When they said sorry on behalf of all the boys and men who have bullied you, they meant it. You stand tall now.  You have greater strength than all of those bullies put together. The boy is gone. You are a young man.  You want more one-on-one with me.  You will have it. You fire my spirit more than you can imagine. I love you.

And let’s reflect on what the men said about you: Strong, a great conservationist who extends the topic, funny, you want to please, courageous, cool to hang out with, a sensational smile, resilient, independent and they said you should cherish your ability to think outside the norm. I could go on and on how they affirmed you.

They want you back next year to help out. And let’s not forget the Golden Pisspot award you won for the the Young Pathways Man (you better explain to the women where pisspot comes from!).

This journey gave me a deep reflective space to get my own life in balance. Thanks to all the men at the gathering. You are special and formed to deliver one of life’s crucibles for me.

All the elements are with you Tim. Stand tall and proud. The men all stand with you. Thank you for taking me.

Earth my body, water my blood, air my breath, fire my spirit.

Stephen

Lighting a torch

Tim and I went shopping this weekend in preparation for our 6 days camping on the Essentially Men father/son retreat. We bought polyprop tops, camping lights, a new pocket knife (as instructed) for Tim and torches.

My good friend Nigel phoned from Christchurch this afternoon to suggest that one of the most valuable pieces of equipment we could bring was a head lamp: “when it’s dark on camp it’s dark, so you can do whatever you want with a torch strapped to your head”.

This retreat has been a long-time coming and Tim has been very brave in agreeing to go into the unknown with me and a group of other guys.

I’m excited and apprehensive. My hope this week is that Tim sees the way forward from boy to young man. It’ll be big for me too I’m sure.

We’ve got those head lamps ready.

See you in a week.

Stephen

The building blocks of leadership

Jonathan Ling, managing director and chief executive officer of Fletcher Building spoke on Friday.  He was asked by our leadership coach Jasbindar Singh “What makes a great leader?”

Modestly, he said he could only talk about business leadership.  Three things:

  1. Make money.  Without money we can’t do all the things we want to do.
  2. Manage and grow people.
  3. Be innovative – continuous improvement, step changes and paradigm shifts were three measures of innovation Fletcher Building looks for in its leaders.

Fletcher Building is a stunning success in business and has a great reputation for leadership, both as a commercial enterprise and as a place that grows leaders. Jonathan spoke of empowering business general managers so that decisions are made as close to the customer as possible.

The other side of this is that the core head office is 12 people. That’s New Zealand’s largest listed company. That’s leadership.

Thanks to TransTasman Business Circle for making it possible for us to co-partner this outstanding event on Friday along with Colliers International and Vodafone. The team from the Centre for Innovative Leadership felt very proud to be in such good company.

Stephen