Category: Personal Development

Honour what’s right, not what someone else made up

I had finished an appointment in town and instead of a stressful drive on the Southern Motorway to my office in Manukau, decided to cruise down Sandringham Road to Highway 20, which always seems more relaxing (I wonder: has the Queen ever been driven to the intersection of St Lukes and Sandringham Roads where the sign directs you left to Balmoral and straight-ahead to Sandringham?!). At the Wesley Community centre I came across a colourful and bustling market, prompting me to stop, grab the camera and have a look around.

A terrible tragedy has struck in the heart of Moscow. A suicide bomber declaring “I will kill you all”, detonated a large bomb, killing, well not all but 35 and maiming scores. In the weekend, a woman’s body was found burning on the side of the road near Huntly, after what appears to have been a so-called “honour-killing”. It may or may not be the case here, but whatever the circumstances are, such a terrible thing, does exist. Last week a couple in their sixties were subject to a cruel and cowardly attack in small-town New Zealand, because of their sexual preference. Like something from the small-church USA who picket gay funerals.

In our leadership work much of the growth in leaders comes form understanding, challenging and seeking to change leaders’ mental models. Compared to a suicide bomber or “honour” killer, the subject matter can seem pretty insignificant. But what happens during our life’s experiences will shape us and cause us to interpret things in a certain, blinkered way. It’s our way of making sense of the world. And we put up with some of it because “that’s the way they are” or “you need to be careful that you approach her this way” or whatever.

As I walked to the market a polynesian church service was underway inside the community hall. A chinese man, struggling to do his sales pitch to a couple who’s mother-tongue was something else too, was selling tools, gas cookers and an assortment of bathroom fittings. So reasonably priced, I soon found myself the proud owner of a trademan’s filler gun. Just had to have it. Fruit for Africa –  in fact some of the locals may have originally been from Africa – second-hand clothes and cheap DVD players. It was a colourful and vibrant scene. And the sense was of tolerance of culture and perhaps belief.

We can delude ourselves with tolerance though. Some things are just not right and we should never forget it and how that they came to be. Our species has only been around for 100,000 years. If the existence of planet earth was a 24-hour clock then our time on it is only a few seconds. So what? I reckon this can put into perspective a claim of “culture”, “ancient belief” that justifies behaviours, some that are tragic. That is, some other guys (mainly) and girls came up with these ideas in quite recent history. Like everything to do with man. Recent, really.

I hope that you are as offended as I am by the examples of behaviours that are driven from some part of human culture. If we want to make it to 200,000 years we need to keep demanding of ourselves that any behaviour that causes harm to another because of some belief held as true, be stomped out. And this might include less dramatic behaviours than murder of course.

Otherwise, are we any better than those sick men in my culture that murdered the women as witches in the not too distant past?

Be tolerant, but not of deluded beliefs that fuel tragedy. Ever.

Stephen

Death on holiday

It was the sight of raw grief on the edge of the forest near the little shopping centre at Matarangi as family and friends of the young man found dead kept vigil while the police did their business. There was a strange stillness with a couple of dozen police, lots of police cars, police talking in hushed tones, distant from the family. A stern, strangely familiar nod as I ran past. Wonder why they don’t ask me if I saw anything. Afterall, I might have been running yesterday.

Out on the highway, it was hot. You notice the empathetic drivers – some give you the entire lane if they can – while others assume the lane is theirs and runners and cyclists need to fit in what they don’t use up. Lots of police cars coming and going in and out of the township – they fall halfway between, giving you some room, but not a lot. You can hear their high speed tyres, almost as noisy as a four-wheel-drive.

Nearly 7ks out it was getting too hot so I stopped for a drink to see the funeral director’s stationwagon, speeding like there was no tomorrow. Strange, what could be the rush? And hasn’t he seen enough death to know what can happen when you push the limits? But I know that adrenalin-fuelled urgency from my days in the police, where you drove fast and sure-footed to and from the sober, still, scene of death. Something about death made you confuse importance with urgency, and urgency always won.

So, it was a death on holiday for the young man. Similar age to my big boys. Everyone agreed “how would you cope?”, “it’s tragic”. We feel it. We understand the grief and are secretly relieved it’s not someone we know. So what can we do to make value out of such a tragedy. If we came across someone in distress, would we call for help? Even if they said they were alright? I hope we would. We promised ourselves we would.

Give them all the space they need, but we’re on this distant planet all alone with only each other to rely on. Let’s make it a promise to look after each other. If we don’t, what then?

Stephen

Out and forward

Time has nearly run out on the 4th Authentic Leadership Course with only this afternoon left. It’s one year since us at the Centre for Innovative Leadership ran the first Course and we’ve done lots in-between.  The participants will head out today after a week of experiences that will touch them personally and professionally. And others will notice.

But what of Monday morning at work? Will it be reading emails  and catching up on work from this week? Probably yes.

In stepping out from a deep experience there are often unanswered questions – for some there are more questions than they started with. Stepping out of the old ways and moving forward with new insights and questions will embed changes.

Just like the Authentic Leadership Course. Each time we’ve run it, it’s been new, fresh and different from the last one. Learn from the past, grow, adapt to the new environment and forward we go.

There’s a paradox. If you’re always looking forward, you’ll miss the present. This week we had seven guests join us at different times to share their experiences and insights. We all listened and learned while they were here, in the present. Taking that, adapting to our authentic leadership is leveraging the take-out.

Big hit for me this week: Where you go is in your hands.  I thank our guest Lorraine for that one. Thanks. I’ll take that out and forward. Where to you might ask? Not sure yet, but I’ll decide, that’s for sure.

What are you taking out? And where? You better know.

Stephen

Inside Out

When I hang the clothes on my clothes horse, much to the disdain of any casual observers, they go on the line, like, well they just go there. Often inside out. When it’s all done and dried, then they are sorted and folded. They’re pretty and neat then, you’ll be pleased to know. Ordered.

Being someone how leaves the possibilities open it can mean last minute activities to get ready. Like having slightly wet socks drying on my car’s parcel shelf on the way out to Waitakere Estate yesterday. So at least now I look okay on the outside – well no-one has told me otherwise yet!

Eckhart Tolle tells us about life having an inner purpose and an outer purpose. Outer purpose concerns doing, and is secondary. Inner purpose, on the other hand concerns our Being and is primary. He says  “No matter how active we are, how much effort we make, out state of consciousness creates our world, and if there is no change on that inner lever, no amount of action will make any difference.”

It’s a year today that we started the first Authentic Leadership Course in the same room I am writing this blog. Even more than then, I believe that our authenticity is the key to leadership, organisational and business strength. And happiness. We have well-developed processes, great exercises and exceptional people that work with me. Our participants, like those before them want to make changes. Sometimes quickly. Identification of opportunities and issues early is fantastic and 24 hours into the programme, we’re seeing this already.

But changes happen from the Inside. Start there and change your being. Otherwise, it’s inside out. And you’ll have action, but it’ll be temporary.

We’ll spend the week feeling a bit mixed up at times, a bit disordered and the participants will feel at times that there’s lots to do in such a short time.  But a week of it and we’ll be clean and dry and suddenly, sometime unexpectedly, we’ll crinkle it all out and be ready for action.  

Stephen