Tag: authenticity

Authenticity now

It’s a special moment. We’re on day two of the Centre for Innovative Leadership’s Authentic Leadership Course. Every course we’ve run is new, fresh and builds on learnings and insights from the previous. Each one has been the best I can safely say, because it’s what the participant’s wanted and needed for them. We did some work on personality preferences this morning which is a great way to get an authentic leadership conversation going about our strengths, blindspots and how we grow and develop our teams.

When you’re on a programme like this you’ve got a gift. A gift of time for reflection, growing awareness of self and others and a chance to reconnect with your authentic self. For some that might read connect with authentic self. It’s a gift to watch it happen too.

So when you’re with us on the Authentic Leadership Course you’ll probably hear it clearly that you should take the opportunity you have. This group of people will not come together here, at this time, again. What is in the room here and now is perfect for you. This moment in your leadership journey can be defining. I say can rather than will, because at every opening there is choice. You can take it, embrace it, or you can watch it.

Watching might look like being part of, but we all know it’s not.

Our leadership coaches Richard Kerr-Bell and Jasbindar Singh working with me this week aren't waiting for next week. Nor should you.

Gathering data and information, fact and figures and processing that is a buffer for real leadership development.  You might put the folder on the shelf and feel satisfied that “I did that”. You might even feel proud to tell other people about the information your got.

It doesn’t just apply in leadership development programmes. Leadership development is a journey. Quite likely a journey you’re on if you’re reading this and there will be moments, possibly every day, that you can take for your own and define the next path for you.

To do so is authentic. Now.

If you know my personality preference you’ll know it’s not about bringing quick closer. I do know about the present. Days are limited, on the Course and on this planet. So authenticity now. Don’t wait to read the stats, or for anticipated special moment in the future.

Today is that special moment.

Stephen

Facilitation for leaders

At the end of a breakfast session recently where I facilitated a session on personal values I was presented with a lovely gift book on facilitation. I joked that I took the hint! I enjoy facilitation, in fact it gives me the kind of happiness that we should all try and get to at work.

Facilitating a team or workgroup is an important part of leadership. Drawing out the blocks that stop us being mindful and in the present, ensuring we’re all heard, using appreciative inquiry to help others deeply understand their issues to grow all  those present, are some of the hallmarks of great facilitation leadership.

Get ready set go!

As you do more you start to notice who’s talking about the topic and who’s talking in the topic. I’ve noticed this a lot in storytelling. Some people tell stories from the heart, others share what the story is about. There’s quite a difference and it can be that those talking about the story aren’t ready for that deep sharing that comes with authentic leadership.

But there can be another reason. So many people are in a rush – give me the bottom line, what’s the key point, we’re all busy so need to move on – you know the signals that espouse efficiency and signal impatience with real meaning.

So if someone in your team is not opening up, try time. Set aside some facilitated time, time to properly hear, be patient, ensure everyone knows not to speak until it’s their turn and you’ll be amazed what comes up. The leadership gems are available for the sake of an hour or so of time.  You’ll need to role-model the listening discipline, watch you don’t watch the watch and actively listen.

Not really that complicated, but a rare gift in our busy lives.

Stephen

Mother

On her Facebook page she used to describe herself as Retired. Recently my mother changed it to Mother. I felt the need at her 80th this weekend to apologise for her having to come out of retirement for us kids! Born in the depression in Auckland to parents who ran a fish shop in the Valley Road shops, Mum went to Dominion Road School and Auckland Girls’ Grammar, leaving to do night school secretarial studies and typing while working for WG Archer Builders. She met my Dad at a church convention and they married in Christchurch in 1952. Lots of children were born from 1953 until 1959 with a gap to 1962 and finally in 1965.

Mum's a great gran now too

She’s a quiet but very determined woman my mother. Excellent with money, super organised: there were bread orders from different dairies on different days of the week, lunches to make or organise the kids to make them, music lessons for all of us, some sports including Tennis, regular church attendance. And, washing, ironing, cooking, baking with tins of biscuits “hidden” under their bed so we didn’t eat them all at once! We were never hungry or lacking in warmth or clothing. There are times when you look back at your childhood and forget your parents – well certainly in my case – were very young when we were growing up. By the time Mum was 30 she had 5 children. Time can fool you into believing that the wisdom they now hold is precisely what they had when you were young. Maybe Mum did, but I reckon she, like most young people, learned it on the job. So the wise 80 year old I’m in Christchurch now to celebrate the birthday for, got there by trial and error. Experiential learning we call it and if we’re wise too, we recognise that growth comes from failing at times. And giving it a go.

Which is what Mum certainly did in 1970 when she enrolled into the University of Canterbury and completed a BA and Diploma in Teaching. Teaching the dysfunctional girls at Kingsley Girls’ Detention Centre was probably not a big stretch from us 7! Some of the girls achieved School Certificate pass for the first time in the history of the centre under Mum. When I was sick from school I would sleep in the back of her Triumph Herald in Hereford Street while she attended lectures. Morning Teas were at the university cafeteria – now Dux de Lux restaurant. This is all now the Arts Centre and seriously damaged from the 22 February quake. Time can do many things to your perceptions of the past – it can at times make you regret, it can rose-tint actual events and it can make you angry, if you believe something did or didn’t happen that was outside your control.

I count myself as extremely fortunate to have active reflection with my Mum and learn about her life, my life and those around us.  She taught me to respect but be cautious of so-called authority and of different perceptions (see the link below – it’s exactly sums it up about draft vs breeze – but not the rest!). You really can’t ask for more than that. Or can you? At Mum’s birthday celebration yesterday I was privileged to take the role of MC and talk of Mum’s life. To be able to publicly speak of Mum – facts and figures including a family tree going back to the Vikings, being born 10 weeks after the Napier earthquake, the early life in Auckland, marriage, family, study and career.  But what really made it was being able to express the personal memories and connections in front of so many family members that mattered. I never expected this to be the rich experience that it was. Such experiences leave you with a contentment that is difficult to describe.

On our leadership programmes we challenge the participants “What makes you a leader?”. Sometimes you really do find out.

Thanks Mum. You can retire again!

Stephen

Like me, Mum enjoys a good laugh and Seinfeld!.

http://youtu.be/R3n4QTyRUg0

Wedded to tradition

In working with mission, vision and values we often hear stories. Some include traditions and there’s something in many of us that is attracted to tradition. For stability perhaps, sometimes as a guiding torch from the past to show the path forward. It’s a got a solid, perhaps staid, but reliable feeling, that word tradition.

Home in time to cook for your man

Last night I saw the delightful New Zealand movie My Wedding and other Secrets. Chinese Kiwi girl meets Pakeha Kiwi boy but it has to be kept secret because of traditional Chinese thinking about mixed-race relationships. That it’s Chinese traditional thinking is probably of little consequence to the message here – it could easily be in reverse in some families.

It got me thinking (again!) about this tradition thing. My first reaction to it was that it was more about control – or more particularly losing it – than any value-driven tradition, that made Chinese Mum and Dad so difficult. I found it difficult to understand what the basis or purpose of the tradition was. It looked solely like a desperate bid to control a family and replicate the parents’ own experience. Apparently it’s based on a true story and I’m not surprised – it’s probably true many times over.

Having reflected for 24 hours I’m still in the same place. It sounds really obvious but when we refresh ourselves, our teams or our organisations we have to let stuff go – you know that – we say it too out loud don’t we? Traditions need to be on the table for culling too. They might be plain wrong.  Are you hanging on to some apparently wise tradition from the past, when actually, you have more to offer, more enlightenment and wisdom than those that went before?

After all: Zeus, witches, a flat earth, smoking, hitting kids, only men voting or managing, racial segregation, state-sponsored religious indoctrination were the hallmarks of wise traditions in the past. And still are in some places.

Wise people live today, not just in the past. Chances are you’re one of them.

Don’t waste it.

Stephen

ps it’s a lovely movie