Month: February 2010

Why is your Whanau not in the Wharekai?

Some random thoughts are swirling around me right now and will hopefully gain some structure as I write. It’s been a big weekend. My teenage son Tim was staying with me although I abandoned him on Friday night for dinner at the Committee for Auckland’s Future Leaders Programme opening held at the Wharekai on the Orakei Marae. I lived in Orakei in the 1990s but had never experienced the spectacular views out, and feeling in, of the Marae.  Children intermingled with the adults and speakers, unimpressed, or should I say unchanged, by our presence.

Saturday morning is my long run-day – Scenic Drive beckoned and so a trot from the shops at Titirangi to Mountain Road and return was done. Saturday evening was for a good friends 40th and a speech in which he declared “The one thing I haven’t been doing right is spending time with each and everyone of you.  That is going to change”.

Sunday morning was back to the Marae where we delivered our introduction to the Programme for the Leadership workshops that the Centre for Innovative Leadership is now privileged to be delivering for this cohort. We talked about trust, about authenticity – “it’s actually a really simple concept” said one participant and then added “but hard”. So we’re excited about the opportunity of working with this group of senior leaders. I very much look forward to growing with them and being a part of their journey.  Go well!

A university get-together at lunch and at 3.00pm I finally set eyes properly on Tim. Selfish? Too busy? Guilty your honour.

This evening I visited Pathways to Manhood to discuss the upcoming retreat that Tim and I are going to go on in April. Whatever we do, feedback, reflection, timeout and sharing quality time with family are important. Yeah, good words, what about the weekend?  “I’ll take Tim to dinner tonight”.  “Is that to make up for the time you didn’t spend with him in the weekend?”

It is actually. Are your Whānau good enough for the Wharekai? Of course they are. Be there. It means everything. Sorry Tim.

Dad.


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Are you faking it?

We want something that’s going to inspire – you know something on leadership that’s going to hit them, jolt them and make them sit up.  They don’t need any of this soft self or team building stuff – they can get that anywhere.  This is big and gutsy get-up big leader talk we’re after.

And you have been told! Or I should say I had been – so went the briefing for some work with a potential client.  It makes you think, well it did me.

So do people like me and the team at the Centre for Innovative Leadership need to refocus sometimes. Do we need maybe to tell more about being a big leader – some good theories on leader types – charismatic, command etc.  After all why pay for someone to have you learn about yourself.  As my client said – they can get that anywhere. 

I have been doing some work recently with the fantastic Mr Fox (sorry that just slipped out – that was a funny movie and strange how word associations can derail me – been on a train lately?), no I mean Vikram Murthy on leadership and problem solving. I give him credit for helping me to clarify the above situation for me. Thanks Vikram.

For some people emotional intelligence is one of those yeah yeah things, but actually it’s not. It’s real and provable. Just like the universe (I’ll look at this later and wonder, but I’ve only had juice tonight honestly).

Back to leadership:  that might be about team, about relationships, about change, about vision, about problem solving, about using energy and emotion and you can think of a few more things too I’m sure.  But there’s a good start, or is it?

It’s the end.  The end result of something much more complex from a journey of discovery – self awareness, then self management, then social awareness and then you’ll get to leadership.

So you’re the leader now: Are you starting with self?  Of do you reckon you can cut all that stuff out and start with the leader duties? Watch out! Especially if you’re the big and gutsy out-there leader. Is that real? Or are you faking it?  You might not realise it but the team will notice it.

Really Mr Fox, what is that suit all about – you’re a fox for god’s sake! Get real! The dogs can tell.


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Is it time to give up defining ourselves?

This blog has been sitting in draft for a few weeks but lately, I’ve been talking quite a bit to people about self – you know my brand, defining myself, my self esteem and so on.

My Dad (I am sure my biggest and possibly only blogging fan and did I just say my!) sent me some scans of a book by Eckhart Tolle (A New Earth) with a segment about ego:

“You are most powerful, most effective when you are completely yourself. But don’t try to be yourself. That’s another role…’How can I be myself?’ is in fact the wrong question. It implies you have to do something to be yourself…..[so] give up defining yourself – to yourself or others. You won’t die. You will come to life. And don’t be concerned with how others define you. When they define you, they are limiting themselves, so it’s their problem.”

As my Dad could, I see the relationship with our authenticity. Is it time to give up defining ourselves (for ourselves and others?).

Are we not what we are?  Or in practical speak, what we are will come through.  Which leads me to my next thought for the next blog – are you faking it?  See you soon.


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A life lived – be happy

Mum texted me on Sunday a week ago to say that Aunty Laurel had died at 4 o’clock. Her passing had been expected but not quite that soon. As we know cancer is unpredictable but in any case once we’ve done about 650,000 hours for many of us, that’s it, and that’s almost exactly what she did do.

Laurel was a mother, grandmother, great-grandmother and friend to many. It’s a strange thing that when you go to a funeral it’s often the only time that all the person’s family and friends from all their life come together. One of my running mentors Gordon Jackson turned out to be an old friend. I had no idea.

Knowing she was dying, Laurel requested her funeral be non-religious and simple. Family and friends spoke of a woman who always got stuck in, who was creative with cake making and teddy bears (sensational ones!) and was always there for her family. I remember Laurel mainly from family holidays to Stanmore Bay where generous barbeques seemed never to run short of food for us and all our cousins.

The sadness of losing a mother is not something I have experienced. But it is plain to see. What I also saw was a collection and distilling of happy memories and focus on what Laurel had given to her family. It can’t compensate, but it surely is a wonderful thing to reflect on.

Actually, that Laurel knew she was dying isn’t that unique. We all know we’re dying. We don’t know when but we can take a pretty good estimate of when the molecules will have had enough. I’ve been challenging myself recently “Am I happy?” I’ve done over 410,000 of my hours so I hope so! And I am.

Are you doing right now what you want to do? Or is the happiness at some “when I’ve done this” point in the future? What is that point? What is the point in waiting for that point?

Make it happen. Whatever works will do I say. Laurel didn’t wait to make her teddy bears. She made scores of them, bringing joy and happiness to many people, but most importantly, to herself. Be happy. Now.


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